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fatherhood is more than sperm donation – I, Anonymous Blog

The opinions expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of Portland Mercury.

They are your children, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
She made her choices. They were painful choices, but she made them.

I know you feel hurt. But you have to fight for these children. They need you in their life. Nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. And we must each be accountable for these mistakes and for the damage we may have done without thinking to our community. But your children are innocent and they deserve the best possible life.

Don’t blame them for your guilt. Don’t punish them for your feelings. Free them from the generational pain that has been forced upon you to resolve. Give them a better life.

I know you feel dependent on her. I know how hard it is for you to imagine a life without her. But it’s not about you and her anymore. It’s about providing for your children’s needs. She doesn’t have the same opportunities as you. She made different choices.

You have the opportunity to provide some form of stability on behalf of your children. And no matter what anyone says, they’re your kids. You are going to feel pain. You are going to feel angry. You will be tempted repeatedly to pick on yourself and punish others for the pain you have suffered. You have to remember that this is no longer about you. It’s not about you and her anymore. It’s about life and the opportunities you can offer your children.

No one envies your position. But you are smart. You are nice. You are thoughtful. Try to slow down and give yourself a chance to deal with things. Long walks alone in the park without a helmet always help.

It’s about your children and the world you can shape on their behalf. Fight for them. We have your back.